Navel-gazing about fic writing

Finally got around to cross-posting my fics on AO3 yesterday. All told, I posted 23 of them (same user name). There are dozens more I've written but they are either older (and somewhat embarrassing) or abandoned or both. Anyhow, it's surprising and interesting to see which fics are getting hits and kudos.

It occurred to me yesterday that as of this year I'll have been writing fan fiction for 25 years. TWENTY-FIVE YEARS. That's... astounding. And feels wrong. Also, considering how much I obsess over my fics and how long I've considered myself a fanfic writer, that I only have about 117k words I felt good about enough to post on AO3 is kinda pathetic. Thus, I need to write more. More importantly? I need to FINISH more.

I have a fic idea that's been eating my brain of late. It's an increeeeedibly meta Castle fic that I'm titling "Death of a Fangirl." So, I'm thinking I'm going to work on that next. After the angst-fest that was "Four Girls..." I could certainly use some funny meta. And, given my recent revelation on how long I've been writing fan fics and been in fandoms? I'm pretty sure I've got a damn solid background for that kind of meta.
screw canon

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FINALLY my muse appears to have returned. Gotten 2,500 words done so far today (and I really, really like them, thankfully) and I'm rapidly coming toward the end of "Four Girls Sirius Black Could Have Fallen In Love With (And One He Did)" which makes me both so thrilled and so incredibly sad. Stupid canon... Stupid painful canon...

This fic was originally going to be about 10k. It's currently over 30k. Yeah... IDEK. I'm setting a goal to have it completed, edited and posted by the end of this weekend. Then... I can finally, finally check that off my to-do list and move on to something else (which is less likely to make me want to cry than this fic omg).
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Happy birthday Shawn!

My little man is three today! Somehow it's sunny and dry and gorgeous out so we are spending most of the day at the park. He's thrilled (and its free so double yay!). The weather also makes for great pictures...

Hope everyone is having a nice weekend!

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Edit: OMG I had no idea pictures posted from my phone turn out ENORMOUS... Edited for size. Sorry!


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Why do plot bunnies always breed at the most inconvenient times? And when you have other shit you are supposed to be writing? Stupid bunnies... (No, self, you may not write Castle fic. MAY NOT. 'To do' list is too long as it is)

I have like four more (long) scenes and a bit of editing before I'm done with "Four Girls..." But I'm stupidly stuck on a sex scene. I think I'm gonna jump ahead and work on the rest and then come back... I've written plenty of sex scenes before. Not really sure why this one is proving problematic. I'm probably over thinking it.

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All of the things (a total mishmosh)

1. I'm visiting andacus in a couple of days. Cannot. Wait. For srs. It'll be warm and sunny and I'll have my bff and wine and other assorted alcohols and yummy food and a bit of a break from my adorable munchkins. Let me tell you, this is appealing so, so very much.

2. Ava is continuing to love her gymnastics class and is progressing fast enough and showing enough promise that they've asked her to join the new competitive training class. It's meant to teach the basics early on to start a good foundation for kids who want to do gymnastics competitively later and it's invite-only. I'd never push her to do a sport competitively if she didn't want to, but I'd like her to have a good foundation in case she wants to. Plus the class is twice as long (which she would love) and small with lots of one-on-one attention. So, I think we're gonna try it out and see if she still likes it. If it's too much pressure or not enough fun or whatever for her, we'll switch back.

3. I'm writing some. I've made slow but visible progress on "Four Girls Sirius Black Could Have Fallen In Love With (And One He Did)." I'm still not entirely certain how that fic has turned into such a long one, but it is. It's not flowing as easily as it did last time I was working on it, but honestly I'm just pretty proud to have come back to a fic a year after taking a break from it and making progress on it. It might help that it's existed in my head one way or another for six years now... That's a hell of a thought... Shit, i need to learn to write way the hell faster.

4. In my headcanon, "Girl on Fire" is Castle's personal theme song for Nikki Heat. This makes me laugh every damn time it's on the radio. Yes, I know I'm a total dork. This is not news.

5. Everyone in my immediate family is illness-free for the first time this year since mid-January - which is fantastic and well overdue - but my extended family isn't doing so hot. My uncle's in the hospital with heart problems. My grandmother's mental faculties are... poor and she fell again (this time breaking her clavicle, but at least it wasn't her hip and at least she wasn't on the floor for two days before someone found her this time). She is finally moving to an assisted living home. It makes me sigh and feel old.

6. I've read so many fanfics in the last few weeks that they are actually starting to blur together. You'd think that would make them less enjoyable, but no. Not really.

Um... that is all, I think. Other than a hello. HELLO!

Meme ... six, seven and eight!


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Finally got myself to write, which I've had a seriously hard time with for like two months now, and I'm finally liking what I've got. Expect the next three in my ficlet meme up tomorrow (prompts crack-clio harper, horror-stella gardner, and baby fic-michael scofield and damon salvatore). That "crack-Clio Harper'' prompt was a huge hurdle for me. I literally wrote an entire fic, deleted it all and started over. Never done that before, but it was totally necessary. The next prompt I need to work on is Dark-Sara Tancredi and Miles Matheson, which just BEGS for puns but I have no ideas on a plot. I'm open to suggestions?

On the car front, we're buying my grandmother's car from her and shipping it out here. It's a long process because she's not reliably well mentally (or physically) and has just moved to an assisted living facility. My aunt is taking care of her estate and right now she's got a lot on her plate. In the meantime we've borrowed my mother's car (which is insanely generous of her). But I'm dying to get this settled already.

On the YAY front, I'm visiting andacus next month. Cannot wait, guys. Cannot wait.

As far as tv-watching going, I'm possibly watching a record number of shows for me at this point... Vampire Diaries, White Collar, Castle, Suits, The Following, Ripper Street, Revolution (when it comes back), Walking Dead (when it comes back), Game of Thrones (when it comes back... eventually) and planning on trying Cult when it starts up. I also might try Monday Mornings because a) Jamie Bamber and b) set in Portland. It doesn't appeal to me otherwise, but... that might be enough for me to catch the premiere anyhow, since it's on demand. I'm enjoying the TV lately, guys. Lots of fun stuff on. More than there's been in a few years, it feels like. As fa as fic-reading goes, I've kinda devouring Castle fics right now with a few Suits fics, HP (always) fics and Avengers fics tossed in here and there.

The kids are great. Working on potty-training Shawn, which - even though we've just really started - is proving way the hell easier than Ava was. He's so eager-to-please and usually less stubborn than her (told him he was a big boy after he used the potty... he corrected me and said he was a man.. he's still two-years-old lol). We finally got him in gymnastics (he was soooooo jealous of Ava) and he loves it. He also has an epic crush on his teacher (who is young and sweet and adorable, so good choice Shawn!). She asked him "Do you like trains?" and he blushed madly, hugged my leg and mumbled "I like Teacher Mariah." Heart-meltingly cute, guys. He waves at her and calls her name the whole time Ava is in her class (they both have the same teacher).

Aaaaand, that's it about me for now.

On a note about you all, a lot of people on my friends list are having a very hard year so far. I'm thinking about you guys and reading your stories has done a lot to put my own minor problems in perspective. You know who you are... I'm wishing you much, much better things to come.

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So... they did total our car. We're getting a lot more for it than we expected, but we still might hold off on buying a new one for a bit. We're under a lot of financial stress lately, so hearing that they were giving us literally twice what we expected helped a lot. I'm still stressed, but it feels less apocalyptic. Anyone have a recommendation on cars I should check out? Definitely would prefer a four door with some good cargo space (trunk is fine if its roomy) and I'd love something that handles well in the snow. It's gotta have good crash test ratings. At or under $10k (preferably under... by a few thousand if possible). Obviously something a bit older is fine but I'd prefer not more than ten years old. Any thoughts anyone?

Also, while I'm asking for advice... Does anyone know a good resource for talking to young children about death in a non-religious way? Ava has been asking questions for months (which we've been answering as best we can) about death and since we are agnostic and don't believe in heaven or hell it's a pretty difficult conversation to have with a four-year-old... not that I expect its a terribly easy question to field no matter what you believe. I think the root problem is that I don't have the answers I know she's looking for, so I can't give them to her and I'm not going to lie... so she keeps asking. I'd prefer a book or something to a website with a comment section (because I can only imagine the bitter feuds that would go on there). Thanks in advance if anyone has any suggestions!

 Ummm... I wanted to write more things but my brain isn't working right now.